Sunday, October 9, 2016


Joan would be turning five today. If she had lived.

Five is a milestone age. When we send our kids off to their first day of kindergarten.

These are the things a bereaved parent thinks about. 

Would we have sent Joan off to her first day of school this year? 
Would she even be going to school? 
You see, since Joan had Trisomy 18 she likely would have had profound developmental challenges.

But honestly, I try not to think too much about all of that. Because there is really no way to know.

Joan changed the course of our lives in so many big and small ways. It's hard to imagine that in an alternate universe -- one where an instant of cell division occurred differently -- we would be caring for a five year old right now. Maybe even sending her off to school.

I don't think like that anymore. I don't often try to imagine what she might be like, or look like, or how her abilities may have unfolded.

One of the things Joan taught me is that nothing is certain. There is no way to predict what will happen tomorrow, let alone in five years.

The more years that pass, it's harder to imagine what Joan would be like now. Instead I think of her as the perfect eternal soul that she is. Always with us, guiding us.

And as for how we will commemorate this milestone year of five. I suppose, in the same way we have celebrated every other year since Joan's death and birth. We will continue to share Joan's story. To say her name. To anyone who will listen. We will continue to share the lessons Joan taught us, far and wide. Striving to change countless lives for the better in Joan's memory.

Fly high, sweet angel.

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